Katie learned she was pregnant on April Fool’s Day. It felt like a sweet, surprising gift — made more meaningful by a recent job move from the ICU to the NICU. “Oh, great. I’m gonna learn all this stuff about babies,” she thought. 

Their early appointments were uneventful, with the usual sickness and challenges that come with a new baby. The 12-week ultrasound was full of joy as they finally saw their baby jump around on the screen. Their 16-week check was routine. Then, at a slightly delayed 21-week anatomy scan, everything changed. The baby was measuring small with signs of fetal stress and placental complications. “Because all the genetic tests were negative, we really don’t know why this was happening,” Katie remembers. They scheduled a follow-up appointment and waited a long eight days. 

“The following week was probably the scariest of my life,” Katie remembers. While she says she struggled to wrap her head around being a new mom, “As soon as they told me there were issues, my heart broke. That maternal love kicked in for the first time. Looking back, I realize it was always there, but I didn’t know how to connect with that yet.” 

She and her husband, Kevin, found peace in the presence of the Mass and adoration, and clung to the hope in key figures in the life of Christ: Mary and Martha’s trust in the midst of their brother Lazarus’ death and Mary’s fiat, her “yes” to God even though she knew there would be some amount of suffering involved. “I felt very prompted to pray, ‘Lord, I want my yes to be full. I want my yes to be like Mary’s. And so now I have to give you my child. And trust that you’re going to do what you want with this.’” Still, nothing could prepare them for the maternal-fetal medicine appointment they traveled all the way to Sioux Falls for.

They started with the ultrasound, and immediately during the ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. This was unexpected, even for the team that had seen what they had just a week before. It never came into Katie’s mind when she whispered that prayer that her baby might pass. But at 22 weeks, Katie delivered their son, Trenton. “There are different points of pain in miscarriage and stillbirth,” she reflected. The care team immediately began preparations for the birth. “The induction process, contractions, and the hard reality that you have to give birth were physically and emotionally disorienting. You are sitting in a hospital room, getting medications, knowing you have to give birth, but also processing the thought that your child isn’t alive anymore.”  

Labor stretched on for 38 hours, but was Spirit-filled with a priest from the Diocese of Sioux Falls ministering to them, celebrating Mass in their hospital room, praying with them, and reading Scripture. A roller coaster of emotions, including wanting labor and all of it to stop, coming to the realization that when he finally comes, their time is going to be limited. When their baby, Trenton, arrived, “Holding him was a flood of grace. When they put him on my chest, all of those feelings of love just washed over me. It was really beautiful. It was a great gift.”

They named him Trenton and spent about 16 hours with him—changing his outfit, praying, and, after initially being concerned about people seeing him, Katie was rushed back into surgery and her parents came to be by her side. “I just remember my dad was like, ‘Katie, he’s so beautiful. You should be so proud of him. No part of you needs to be afraid to show people your son. He’s worth seeing.” 

This encouragement from her father helped her to experience an unexpected moment with her family. Her family came. Kevin’s family came. And everyone got to spend time with Trenton. “I remember thinking this is what our family Christmas feels like. This is what time with family feels like. I just felt like we were able to give Trenton that gift,” Katie said, grateful for those sacred hours. A priest came in the early morning to pray with them and offer a blessing for parents after loss. Their home pastor, a former FOCUS chaplain they knew, helped arrange a full funeral Mass. The community showed up with meals, yardwork, and gentle but helpful support.

“In a season when ‘up is not up,’ small, concrete helps were a lifeline.”

Tangible memories mattered. A crucifix in her hand during labor. Tiny hand and foot molds. Professional photos from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Two soft lambs—one buried with Trenton, one kept at home. A blanket that her mother made that is now buried with him. “As hard and as painful as it was, we really felt the presence of the Lord with us, and the people we experienced in prayer and concrete acts of love.” 

Katie’s experience also reshaped how she accompanies others. She used to hesitate to text grieving friends, worried about “reminding” them. Now she knows: “Nothing you do is gonna make them think about their baby because they’re already thinking about their baby. Let them know that they’re not alone. Those people who walked with me, their names are not forgotten in my heart.”

Katie’s longing is simple and brave: that Trenton’s life be known, and that others find comfort. “I’m so proud of him. He matters.” Your child matters, too. Your love is not wasted. Your grief is not a burden. You are seen, held, and not alone. If your heart is aching for a place to bring all of this, to speak or to sit in silence with the Lord, this retreat is for you. May it be a step toward healing, a moment of light in the fog, and a reminder that even here, you are known and loved.

If you have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth recently or years ago, you are invited to learn more about the diocesan grief ministries and an upcoming retreat made for you. The retreat will offer prayer, gentle reflection, practical resources, and connection with others who understand. Come as you are, with whatever words (or tears) you have. Whether you need quiet, conversation, or simply a place to honor your child, you’ll find compassionate support.

Behold Your Child: Miscarriage Retreat

• Who: Anyone touched by miscarriage
• What: A day of prayer, reflection, and practical support in the community
• When: Sunday, November 9th @ 3:00 PM at Terra Sancta Retreat Center
• Learn more and register: https://www.rapidcitydiocese.org/grief/events/