Todd VanderMay was ordained a Transitional Deacon on May 24. He recently spoke with the West River Catholic to discuss his journey thus far.

When did you first start thinking about priesthood?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: The first time I thought about it was when I was a child. We live just up a hill from my grandmother, and she’s a very religious woman. We would visit her quite often, so she was the first one who set the idea of, “Maybe one day you’ll be a priest, Todd.”

I kept the idea for a while, but then I pushed that away and didn’t want it, especially in middle school and high school. It didn’t come back again until the very end of my senior year of high school — I was teaching catechism to sixth graders.  I was going to go to Black Hills State to be a history teacher and for scholarships and applications I was doing a bunch of extracurricular work. The church didn’t have enough teachers for catechism, and so as a senior, they asked me to teach them.

I never really learned the faith before that. The last time I went to Confession was probably before Confirmation. So, I bought a book from the Mustard Seed called “The New St. Joseph Baltimore Catechism,” and it was learning the faith for the first time with the kids. It was really interesting, but it didn’t really change my life. 

However, the last night of catechism class, the kids wanted to watch “The Passion of Christ” (they all had permission slips signed by their parents), and I don’t know if I’d never seen it before, or if I just didn’t remember how graphic it was. During the movie, I had to leave the room. My heart just changed. At the end of that night, I knew two things — one, there had to be more to life than sports, and two, I knew things were going to be different, and things were not going to go how I planned.

So I didn’t go to college that year. After high school, I stayed at the ranch and helped my dad. During that time, we had gotten a new pastor, Father Tyler Dennis, and he put my name into Father Mark and Father Mark took me on all these seminary visits and backpacking trips. I really still didn’t want that. I thought, “Maybe I could just be a good Catholic father or something,” but didn’t really want to be a priest, especially after visiting the seminary. The rooms were small, and I didn’t know anyone there. It didn’t feel comfy or at home or anything, but I knew if I didn’t give it a chance, I wouldn’t be able to say “yes” or “no” to it. So, I applied to seminary thinking I’ll give it a year, maybe two, and then I’ll be able to decide.

You said you’d given seminary a shot that first year. How did your vocation grow during that time?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: I discerned out my second year. I had said, “Enough with this. I tried this. This isn’t worth the struggle. I don’t want this.” 

I went back to the ranch for a year. But it was during that time that all the things I was going to put away from the seminary — the rosaries, holy hours, the breviary — I wasn’t able to give that up. I kept doing all of it that year off, and that’s when I came to realize I didn’t actually invest myself and try as much as I could have. That was kind of like a wake-up call from the Lord, so I tried again and came back.

During this second time, there have been many affirmations. I can see the Lord asking me if I’ll accept the gift of priesthood. 

So, how did the parish support that second chance?
Deacon Todd VanderMay:  When I’d come to Mass on breaks, they would always encourage me and tell me that they’re praying for me. I think that’s one of the biggest gifts of this whole journey is just how many people are praying for me. All these people have their own things, and they are intentionally keeping me in their prayers. It is such a gift. There’s such beauty in that.

Was there a certain aspect of seminary life that you have most identified with?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: The first thing is prayer — the personal prayer times, the holy hours. I’ve spent the last four years developing a real, sacramental, devotional prayer.  

The second is community with other people — that fraternity, that being with other people. The faith is not meant to just be personal and private. Yes, there is my personal prayer, but that’s all geared ultimately towards God, but then also with other people as well. That’s been one of the greatest gifts of this whole thing. Through my own brokenness and sinfulness, I’m still able to, in some way, mediate God’s love to other people. 

What are you looking forward to most in your last year of formation?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: Two things. The first is the classes on Liturgical Presidency. It’s when you practice the Sacraments. That class and homiletics are in the chapel at the seminary. So, it’s the practical finally meeting the classroom. I’m looking forward to that again, only now doing the priestly classes on Mass and confessions.

The second is trying to fine-tune my preaching skills. At the seminary, on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, the deacons preach the Masses. I’ll be able to fine-tune my preaching skills with that. I think that’s kind of always the point of our preaching, leading people to Jesus.

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about the priesthood?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: I think the first thing I’d say is that don’t be afraid just to give it a try. When you go to seminary, it’s not an official declaration. You have years to realize this is or isn’t what God wants. At the least, you would go to the minor seminary, and you’ll grow in virtue. You’ll have sacraments. You’ll get a good Catholic Education from the minor seminary, and you can get started getting some Gen Eds done. So, even if you were to leave and go somewhere else, you would have those done. You’ll have growth in the faith that can’t be taken away from you. 

What was your ordination experience?
Deacon Todd VanderMay: It went by so fast. I could not believe how fast it went. It was pretty amazing. It was cool how second nature some things felt being a deacon at that first Mass, in spite of a few minor flaws.