Researchers have blamed perfectionism for everything from soaring rates of youth eating disorders, campus suicides, spikes in pharmaceutical addictions, credit card debt, and elective plastic surgery according to Colleen Carroll Campbell, speaker at the Refuel 2026 Conference. It has given us “tiger moms, helicopter dads, and work martyrs who won’t take their vacation days,” she said, adding, “The mania for self-improvement is at a fever pitch and millions jump from trend to trend in a frantic quest for enlightenment.”

Campbell is a nationally published author, broadcast journalist, and former presidential speech writer. She brought to life the Refuel theme “The Wisdom of the Saints.” More than 100 educators came from across the Diocese of Rapid City to get a midyear recharge for spreading God’s message. Campbell shared examples of multiple saints who overcame perfectionism and acedia (spiritual fatigue) to live God’s plan for them. 

“Spiritual perfection is that same demand for flawlessness but transposed onto our relationship with Christ. It manifests in discouragement over stubborn faults, crippling guilt over past mistakes and small sins, compulsive comparing of our lives with the lives of others, and even a tendency to overcommitment that goads us to wear out doing good works,” said Campbell.

The danger, she said, is that many people mistake it for a virtue — living the unspoken belief we can earn God’s love. She added, untreated it fills a toxic circle of pride, sin, shame, blame and despair, that infects every aspect of our lives. “It distances us from the one true thing that can  save us, God’s grace,” according to Cambell.

She continued, “Scripture and tradition always tell us that God’s justice and mercy always go together, so the cure for perfectionism must respect both, trust in God’s grace and cooperate with that grace. We must reject spiritual perfection without lapsing into spiritual laziness.”

A self-professed perfectionist, her epiphany came during a moment of personal crisis. Feeling like a failure as a mother, she was towing a bloodied toddler across a hospital parking lot toward the Emergency Room, while having severe labor contractions. All the while, Campbell was berating herself for an accident thinking God would blame her for the toddler being hurt. In her mind she heard a new thought, “someone should give that woman a break,” and a strange calm enveloped her. She realized she had to forgive herself; perfectionism was robbing her of cherishing her life as a wife and mother.

“The voice of the inner critic was stealing my joy and happy moments and compounding my sorrow with shame — was it right?” she asked. Her questions led her to plunge into studying the saints, a “motley crew, wildly diverse in gifts, quirks, and a passionate devotion to doing the will of God.”

Campbell explained Gospel perfection is diametrically opposed to the world’s definition. Human perfection is centered on self; conversely, Christian perfection is about surrendering to God’s vision with the goal of eternal life with Jesus. 

“Sometimes what God most wants us to be is not flawless but humble,” she said. “Mistakes are not disasters, but opportunities to learn.”

Another stumbling block she discussed is burnout. It manifests in paying attention to mindless diversions and putting off important items.The forerunners of monasticism, the ancient mystics who fled to the deserts to focus more on God called it “acedia,” a Greek word that means “without care.” The dessert fathers and mothers called it the midday demon because it usually happened between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Time seemed to stand still and young monks would start daydreaming their sacrifices were too great, life was too monotonous, and going back home seemed like a better choice. This condition, spiritual sluggishness, can afflict every Christian. 

Their remedies included paying attention to where you are spending time; asking if activities will draw you closer to Jesus; avoiding vice and loose talk; not being curious about things that would distance you from the Holy Spirit; and to embrace routine in prayer and work. Campbell distinguished it from depression, which calls for treatment beyond spiritual remedies. 

Campbell reminded retreatants why they spread God’s message. Jesus’ last commandment before the Ascension was to go and make disciples of all nations. “Lay believers are on the front line of this work. They have the duty to spread the divine message,” she said. “Our culture likes to relegate religion to the private sphere, treating religious practice as a shameful habit we should not indulge in public. Faith treated strictly as a private affair soon atrophies either by curdling into self-righteousness or getting compartmentalized out of existence.”

She explained there are unchurched people everywhere who need to hear the word of God. “A conversation you have may be the only connection they ever have to the Church or Christ. Even in our Catholic parishes and our schools there are souls flying under the radar drifting in and out, people locked in prisons of loneliness, confusion or doubt. Waiting for one of us to notice them, to reach out, to make the love of Christ palpable in their lives. Christ is counting on us to help him save souls.” 

If Christians are compelled to preach the good news, is anyone interested in listening? She answered yes, dioceses across the United States, England, France and Spain are reporting record numbers of converts and re-churched people. Campbell said splashy media campaigns, movies, and podcasts help bring awareness and might start conversations, but genuine conversion must happen in the context of real life relationships.

The conference also offered opportunities for adoration, reconciliation, Mass, and socialization. Refuel was hosted by the Diocesan Office of Faith Formation, under the direction of Sr. Sara Kowal, SCTJM. It was held at the Terra Santa Retreat Center, Rapid City.