Hope for healing after abortion
through Rachel’s Vineyard

By Susan Gliko

    Most women who have abortions do so not because they want one, but because they feel they have no choice. This was true for me. I had an abortion in 1989, thinking my crisis pregnancy would kill my mother, who was in poor health at the time.

    Not only did my child die that day in October, but in a very real sense I died, too. My whole life changed. The little joys I shared with my children died. I used to read them The Cat in the Hat every night. They would run to the couch with that book in their hands, yelling, “Cat, Cat, Cat, Mommy read us Cat.” I never read that book to them again after my abortion.

    During this dark time in my life, I prayed myself to sleep. I begged God to help me, I was so lost. God was with me and he heard my cries. He brought into my life a good Catholic man who would become my husband.

    I just could not take the pain (the world says does not exist) any longer. I was being medicated for panic attacks, and nightmares were the norm. Some mornings my husband would be awakened because I was crying in my sleep.

    When I converted to the Catholic faith, I found that our Holy Mother Church takes tender care of all of her children. She teaches the truth, and she is there to pick us up when we fall and make us whole again. I finally found a place where people would listen and understand my deepest pain. This safe place was a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.

    I tried so hard to keep my abortion behind me, but God just kept shining his light in that darkened place in my soul. It is only in entering the darkness that Christ can illuminate our souls with his light and love and make us whole again. I found my lost son at a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.

   Here is what I read to him at the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat memorial service.

   “Dearest Christopher, My son, my heart is overflowing with your reality. This weekend I have at last found you and held your sweetness in my heart. Christ gave me the gift of knowing that you are a boy so I could name you. I was also given the gift of seeing you in heaven with Jesus. Even though we never spoke, your eyes said so much. You have always known me and I could see the joy in your eyes and your crooked smile that said I am so glad you finally know me.

   I thank Jesus for persistently shining his light in that most darkened part of my soul. I thought I could never go there, because I thought it would kill me if I did. Christopher, it is so wonderful to be restored to you and to know you have always been there praying for me. Continue to watch out for your big brother and three sisters. I love you, Mom.”

    Doing a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat not only restored my relationship with God, it also restored my relationship with my child. Only when these two things happen is there peace in the soul. I have been healed! Praise God!